I'm dying inside
by LovePeaceEquality20
Summary: Spencer and Ashley have been friends for over a year now,they both have stong feelings for each other but is friends all they'll ever be? New Chapter 13 finally up!
1. Confidence

Disclamier- The characters and themes belong to the owners and writers of south of nowhere.

Authors note- This is my first fan-fiction story, so please be kind and suggestions and comments will be greatly appreciated. I am open to suggestions if you have any ideas for how you want the story to go. This is a work in progress, Spencer is struggling with her feelings and how to deal with them. I hope all of you like it. Thanks

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So Ashley and me have been friends for over a year now, I was a nervous, unsure, and slightly shy, she was bold, borderline cocky, and oh so beautiful and she brought me completely out of my shell.

I feel like I can say anything to anybody now, I stand up to my mom now and challenge her bigoted ideals, I dress the way I want to, and I hang out with who I want to and its all because she has given me that confidence that I never knew possible but of course there is one thing I just don't have the audacity to do no matter how hard I try, I can't tell her that the sun rises and sets on her smile, that when she looks at me with those fiery chocolate brown eyes that I melt and that when I see her with someone else, when I imagine someone else keeping her warm at night that my heart twists and breaks in to a million little pieces, a million little pieces that only her laughter can piece together.

God do I want to tell her, how I long to kiss her to feel her body writhing beneath me, but there is 100 reasons why my feelings no matter how strong they are, are not enough, they may never be enough to fight these demons inside my head, to take on the world and all the hate, to finally be happy to finally tell her I love her.

So for now maybe forever I'm going to be her friend , I'm going to keep my self from kissing her no matter how beautiful she looks, I'm going to keep my temper down, I swear I'm not going to punch the next girl that hits on her, I'm not even going to give her next flavor of the week dirty looks, ok maybe I will but hey its my grave I might as well lay in it but the real question is for how long , for how long can I keep these emotions bottled up, I'm like a time bomb and its only a matter of time before I explode.

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Feedback would be great, i should have more up for you soon. 


	2. Ashleys plan

Disclamier- Same as the first chapter

Authors note- Thanks for all of the reviews and to everyone that read it. These first 2 chapters or so, are just the contents of both of their heads i'm hoping to make the story better as i go along. Soon there will be more diaglouge and interaction.

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**Ashleys POV**

I'm lying awake here watching her sleep, watching her chest gently rise and fall with every breath and wish I could just stay here in this exact spot living this moment over and over again, where the only thing to judge me is my own insecurities where the most beautiful girl in the world gently has her arm draped over my body, and her legs are tangled up in mine and my skin is tingling, and my heart is racing and I'm so undeniably happy just because I am laying next to her .

I really shouldn't feel this way, I really shouldn't want her like I do, she's my friend that's established. I just wish I could tell her that she's so much more to me than that ,she's my confidant, my supporter, my love , my addiction, she's my everything.

Sometimes I wonder if she feels the same way, as a matter of a fact I'm almost assured that she does. It's in the way she laughs at me when I make my smart ass comments, the death stares she gives any and every girl I'm with, the light butmeaningful touches we shareand I swear I catch her staring at me when she thinks I'm not looking.

Yeah, she feels the same way alright but is it enough? I just wish she wouldn't be so scared, I wish I wasn't so scared to make the first move. I'm literally dying here, holding her in my arms, I feel so free, but at the same time restricted.

In a perfect world she would be lying in my arms after we made love and in a perfect world I would be free to touch her and kiss her, but the way it is now I can only hope that she sleeps for a little bit longer, so I can admire her beauty for just a couple moments more.

I want to shout it off the roof tops " i love Spencer Carlin!", but I want her to come to me first I'm tired of always making the first move; really I'm scared of the rejection. I've been rejected by almost everyone in my life and I've gotten over that but if Spencer rejected me, I couldn't begin to bear the pain that would cause. So for now even if it's not in the capacity I want, friends it is. I have no plans on making it easy for her though to be "just friends" with me, if dressing especially nice for her, if flirting with other girls in front of her is what it takes for her to admit her feelings for me. Than that's exactly what I'm going to do.

It might be manipulative, maybe even a little immature, but if it helps Spencer admit her feelings to me than I'll do whatever it takes, because I can't be Just friends with her, but I also can't put my heart on the line, because she could be the to really break it.

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Thanks guys. more up soon. 


	3. Wanting

Disclaimer- Story is mine; characters and show belong to The Creators of South of Nowhere.

Authors note- Thanks to all of the reviews, they are greatly appreciated and thanks to all of the silent readers as well. This chapter is definitely longer than the last two, Hope you guys like it.

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**Spencer's POV**

Even before I open my eyes, I feel a shock down my spine and my whole body is tingling and I know I must be in Ashley's arms. I almost want to pretend I'm still sleeping just to stay there for a second longer but instead I raise my eyelids to the light of day and instantly I'm drowning in her dark orbs. We lay there just staring at each other intensely neither one of us wanting to break this trance, so the ringing of a cell phone does it for us.

Ashley quickly untangles her self from me and climbs over me to answer her ringing phone. The way she's positioned is almost torture for me, her weight on me is causing the best of sensations to course through me and making me melt from the inside out.

"Hello," she asks this while she is leaning over smiling at me with that 1000 watt smile of hers. "Oh hey Megan, what's up? Where was I last night? Oh Spencer and I went to a movie; because we haven't hung out in a while so… of course we are on for tonight baby… I wouldn't miss it." Maybe she felt me tense up at the mention of her doing something tonight with Megan, or maybe she wanted some privacy either way she got up off the bed and off of me and walked into the other room to continue her conversation and left me alone on her bed breathing in her magnificent scent, wrestling with my thoughts as usual.

'Megan, god even her name makes me cringe' I'm pathetic I know but when your in love with someone you can't have the person that has them really pisses you off and Megan has Ashley. She gets to hold her hand in public, go on dates with her, and she gets to Kiss her, kiss her with none of the worry I have to deal with, how I long to kiss Ashley with reckless abandon. Just as I'm thinking this she comes back into the room.

"Morning Spence, did you sleep well?" Did I sleep well; I was in your arms wasn't I?

"Yeah, like a rock"

"Good, so do you want to do something today? Maybe go to the beach." She has her head tilted toward me and she's flashing me that smile again.

"I thought you were Already doing something… with Megan" I tried to hide the jealously that flared up inside of me but I couldn't it was written allover my face.

Ashley took the last couple of steps to where I was sitting on the bed and set down next to me, gently putting her hand on my shoulders she turned me to face her" That's not until tonight, and until then I want to spend all day with my best friend ok?"

Being this close to her was making it insanely hard to breathe let alone answer her" Oh really when is she coming over?" humor, that'll take my mind of how absolutely amazing she looks right now with tousled locks, only a crimson red tank and short cheerleader shorts covering her and the most sensual lips I've ever seen.

"So funny Spence so funny" she laughs. Just then I see a gleam in her eyes, and before I know it she has me pinned to the bed 'to be honest I didn't put up much of a fight.' She's holding my hands above my head with one of her hands, and straddling my lower body, so to be precise I couldn't have got up if I wanted to.

With her free hand she's tickling me without mercy, I'm completely breathless and giggling uncontrollably, and with out warning almost suddenly she stops moving and presses her body into me more, deeper and leans down hovering only inches from my mouth. I couldn't of possibly avoided looking into her eyes, and what I saw there, was so deep, such an unexplainable emotion that I almost wanted to cry due to the sheer magnitude of the intensity in her gaze.

We were so close that I couldn't tell where her breaths ended and mine began and for one of the first times in my life I was aware of every single nerve ending in my body. This was the moment, the moment I've dreamt about many sleepless nights, this was the moment that my lips would first graze hers. As her lips made their way down to mine, the anticipation almost killed me, I wanted to meet her half way, but I was frozen in that spot, frozen in that moment.

Just as I was slightly opening my mouth to accept her kiss, she changed paths and instead I felt her mouth ever so gently grazing my earlobe as she whispered" I know you were jealous, I can see right through you Spence." 'So she caught me'. " You will always come first in my life, I'd rather spend a thousand days in hell with you , then an eternity in paradise with any one else, as long as I'm with you I'm happy." And with that she rolled off of me and said something about a bathing suit while I sat there wanting, and aching for her.

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Thanks; comments and suggestions would be great, more up soon. 


	4. Be your love

Disclaimer- as usual Spencer and Ashley don't belong to me but this story does. Also the song used in this chapter is Be Be your love, by Rachel Yamagata, and it's the property of its owners just borrowing it.

Authors note- I'm so sorry it took me this long to update, I was really busy and I had a serious case of writers block. So I hope you like it, this is sort of a transition chapter. Thanks to all of my reviewers of the last chapter SVU Chicky, baby girl 2006, Rock0rules, SpenceXAsh, Miss Yumi, and Potter Twins, your comments are greatly appreciated.

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I've been through a lot in my life time and I'm only 18 years old. I've seen my parents fight, divorce and continue to fight, I've had what seems like a thousand people come in and out of my life, and that's just the start. But I can safely say that not kissing Spencer that day in my room that moving my mouth that was trembling to feel her touch, to her ears to whisper my thoughts into her soul, was the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted it so bad that I can still feel her breaths shortening under me and the look in her eyes in that moment will be forever etched in my memory. But it was something I had to do, I had to turn away because I pinned her to the bed, I was on top of her and I was going to kiss her not the other way around and like I said I'm waiting for her to come to me, I want her to want me so bad that she can't help herself that her need, her love will run so deep that it will drown all of her worries all of her doubt. So until then I'm going to just wait.

It's been a week since that little encounter and life has been going on as usual. Spencer and I went to the beach that day and frock lied in the water, talked, stole short meaningful glances andcompletely ignored the subject of the almost kiss.

I went out with Meagan that night, we had dinner, went to a movie all of the things that couples do, but I just couldn't focus on her, lately I haven't been able to focus on anything, anything except Spencer of course. Meagan and my relationship is an interesting one, we've been dating for around 3 months now, which for me Ashley Davies is an eternity she's my first committed relationship. If you can call it committed , I don't sleep around on her or anything but I know given the chance with a certain someone I would do just about anything. I feel bad almost because I can't give her my full attention or all of my heart because I don't even have all of my heart, because Spencer hasa firm grip on it and I don't know if she will ever let it go.Despite that,it's almost like we have and understanding we provide companionship for each other and she knows that no matter how much she loves me I can't possibly love her in equal measures. So it's like a convenient partnership for both of us and it works for now any way.

"Hey" she smiles at me when she gets in my car.

"Buenos Dias Spencer"

She starts laughing hysterically at me and honestly I'm perplexed as to why. "What? Why are you giggling?"

"Your just such a dork that's all." she replies.

"Maybe, but you know you love me!" I quip back.

"If only you knew how much" I hear her mumble.

"What did you say?" my hearts literally pounding out my chest, and I swear she can hear it.

"I didn't say anything, nothing at all." She's nervously fiddling with the drawstring on her hoodie, and I pull my eyes away from the road to look at her and I try to read her expression but it's almost impossible.

"Yeah, you did" I say quietly under my breath, she either didn't hear me, or chose to pretend she didn't. Either way the rest of the car ride to school was driven in complete silence except for the sweet melodic voice of Rachel Yamagata floating out of the speakers.

_If I could take you away  
Pretend I was queen  
what would you say  
would you think I'm unreal  
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel_

_Everybody's talking how I can't be your love  
But I want to be your love  
Want to be your love, for real  
Everybody's talking how I can't be your love  
But I want to be your love  
Want to be your love for real  
Want to be your everything_

_Everything's falling, and I am included in that  
oh, how I try to be just okay  
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted  
was a little piece of you_

'Wow what a perfect song for our situation, I guess we're not the only ones to feel like the whole worlds against us'. I pull up to school and Spencer and I, begin to walk side by side to our lockers and a notion just pops up in my head , I really want to hang out with her tonight, we haven't hung out much after school since the little incident in my bedroom. I think we're both afraid of exactly what will happen if we're alone again in that room on that bed, but hey I don't care anymore I just want to spend some qt with my best friend.

So I ask her "Spence, what are you doing tonight? Do you want to go see a movie or something?" I flash a full wattage signature Ashley Davies smile and tilt my head to one side.

I was excepting her to smile in return, but instead she just frowned and looked down before she answered me, "umm, well with today being Valentines Day and all, no I don't have plans and yes I would love to go see a movie with you but I'm pretty sure your _girlfriend_, would be pretty pissed."

Its not like the sarcastic way she said girlfriend was lost on me but I couldn't dwell on it, I had to think fast 'what to do when you want to hang out with someone so bad its killing you but you have a girlfriend who will be none to pleased if you call of your date to spend some "quality time" with the love of your life. Ha I got it'.

" Yes Spence I know tonight's V-day, it's the holiday of romance it was almost made for me, so what I was going to ask you is if you wanted to double date with Megan and I ." what did that seriously just come out of my mouth, god I'm so stupid sometimes.

She looked a little horrified to say the least" Who would I go with I don't have a date." She asks.

Oh good question Spence ,who would you go out with think fast, think fast "I know that's why I'm setting you up, setting you up with Meagan's friend Brian." Brian! Am I ridiculous good going Ashley you just hooked the girl you desire more than anything up with a sweet handsome GUY! While I'm berating my self I hear her say "ok."

Ok! "Alright so I'll pick you up tonight then, wait do you want to come over to my house before the date and we can just leave from there? I'll let you raid my closet" I add for an extra incentive.

"Sure Ash, I gotta go to home room, I'll see you after school" she says this as she turns and walks away and all I can think as I head to my classes is 'why did I just tell her I'd set her up, or better yet why did she agree to it, I have a feeling she wants to spend tonight with me as much as I want to spend it with her, or maybe she really wants to go out with this guy.' God do I confuse my self. I guess there is no turning back now, I call Meagan and let her know that I found a date for Brian and that they are doubling with us. I have a feeling that tonight's going to be the most confusing, crazy and complicated date in my life. Not to mention I know I bought myself a one way ticket to jealously land.

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Thanks i should have more up soon, maybe later today. 


	5. dressing game

Disclaimer- again characters aren't mine, story is.

Authors note- This is a transition chapter before the date, something to hold you over. Hope you like it. Thanks again to all of my reviewers and happy V-day everyone.

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I'm walking to the parking lot to meet Ashley at her car, in a complete and total daze. All I can say about this morning is the WTF, seriously tonight is going to be the most surreal of my entire life. I'm going on a date with Ashley finally but in not the set of circumstances I hoped for, no her girlfriends going to be there to witness the train wreck that will certainly be me pretending to be remotely interested in Brian while I secretly pine for my best friend ,her girlfriend, wow. Why did I even say yes? I blame it on impulse Ashley asks something I automatically say yes; I can't say no to her chocolate brown orbs, it's impossible. Plus to be honest there is nothing I 'd rather do on valentines day than spend it with her even if it is as screwed up as tonight is sure to be.

"Hey beautiful" I hear her utter as I open the door to her BMW, 'oh here goes nothing'

"Hey Ash"

"Ready girl lets go get fabulous" we head off to her house to get "fabulous" as she puts it.

An hour later we're still rummaging through her closet much like we did that night almost a year ago when we had that ridiculous competion for Aiden. In fact this night has an eerily similar feeling to it. There is going to be a contest of course, the stakes are just a million times higher. I decided on the way over here that tonight's the night, when I make Ashley feel a little bit of what I feel almost every moment of the day. The sickening gut wrenching feeling of jealously, she has to know how it makes me feel to see her with Meagan, if she doesn't she's blind. Yet, they have been going out now for three months, parading around me like some love sick puppies, although I know Ashley doesn't love her. So why is she just stringing her along, is it just to torture me, because believe me its working. I know I'm being selfish, all I've been lately is selfish but I can't help it. Tonight I'm going to match her touch for touch, giggle for giggle, and glance for glance. What an interesting game.

About 20 minutes later I find the perfect outfit and quickly, (actually not that quickly), disrobe down to my bra and underwear and slowly pull my silk halter top over my head and smoothly slide into my low-riding hip hugger jeans, all the while I'm keenly aware of Ashley's scorching gaze that's so hot I swear it could burn holes in my skin. I decide to tease her a little.

"See something you like Ash?" I ask stealthy turning to her catching her red-handed in her gaze.

"Like no, I love… you look absolutely stunning Spencer Carlin" damn, she's got me blushing now, it was supposed to be the other way around. O well I like it.

Then in a true Ashley Davies fashion she completely turns the table on me and has me flat out gawking at her while she does just what I did moments before and slowly and I mean extremely slowly, changes into a Cute no sexy, red satin short dress. As luck would have it, it zipped in the back and of course she needed help with it being in the back in all. Trust me I wasn't complaining.

"Spence can you please zip this for me" she says stepping closer to me.

"Yeah" that came out a little too breathy for me.

When she's standing right in front of me she swiftly turns around pressing her back into me more than I needed just to zip her dress. She then took my hands which were dangling at my sides, and brings them up to her hips where the zipper starts, for effect I leave my hands on her tantalizing hips for a moment longer, before I slide my hand languidly over to the zipper and leisurely pull it up, stopping when I reach its apex at the top of her neck. Then as a little payback from last week in her room, I bring my lips to her ear and whisper "this dress was made for you, you take my breath away". How cliché is that? But it's exactly what I felt in that moment breathless, like I was gasping for air and she was my life support. Apparently I had the same effect on her, as I felt her whole body shudder against me. This is it I could turn her around right now, back her up against that wall and kiss her like there are nobody in the world but us two. But logically we were going to go on a date with different people so… the times not right once more. Maybe sensing my thoughts or unable to contain herself Ashley brings us out of our hormone induced daze, with a quick statement of the obvious as she walks away from me and grabs her purse.

"We have a date, with other people so we should probably go pick them up now," she stutters out, so unsure, so un- Ashley and I secretly love that I have that effect on her.

"Yeah, lets go" I say with a sigh as we walk out the door. Let the games begin.

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More up later.


	6. Double date

Disclaimer- Storys mine, character aren't.

Authors Note- Heres the date Finally, i don't know if i did it justice but i hope so. I would just like to say thank you so much to all my reviewers you're opnions mean so much to me and to all of my readers.

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Seriously I don't know how many of those moments like the one in my bedroom with Spencer I can take before I loose my grip on that last shred of power. She makes me see things, do things and most importantly feel things I have never felt before by just being her, young vulnerable and beautiful. 

But realistically I don't have much time to dwell on it, considering we just pulled up outside Megan's house, where she and Brian are awaiting our arrival. As I pull into her driveway, I turn off the ignition and look over at Spence she is absentmindedly strumming her fingers on her window, and she looks so… I can' t even explain what she looks like… words can't do her justice and no matter how hard I try I can't pull my eyes away from her, I'm literally rooted to the spot. After about 5 minutes she must of realized that I haven't gotten out of the car, so she turns to me again catching me gawking at her and says a little unevenly "Umm Ash your girlfriends waiting, the movie starts in a couple of hours and we want to go grab something to eat first so don't you think you should get out of the car?" she's laughing at the end of her statement but it seems a little forced to me.

"Yeah right" I say quietly as I open the door and then ascend up Megan's porch stairs. She opens the door and I honestly have to say she looks breathtaking but as she pulls me into a loving embrace and kisses me hello, I somehow have this empty feeling deep inside and it hurts. What hurts even more is the sight of Brian, looking fantastically handsome in khaki slacks and a button up collared shirt, grinning at and being grinned at by Spencer as they introduce themselves to each other.

Ugh what a long night, Megan settles next to me in the front seat as Brian scoots a little to close to Spencer in the back seat. As we're driving to the restaurant I can't help but sneak glances into my rear-view mirror and it seems like every time I do Spencer has her hand on his or has her head thrown back in laughter and let me tell you, I've been listening rather intently to their whole conversation and nothing he's said is at all funny. Yet she's smiling, laughing and flirting like a lovesick puppy and its driving me insane. She can't possibly be into him can she?

While I'm silently obsessing over this, I realize I've completely abandoned my girlfriend and its Valentines, god I'm a horrible person. So I try to tune completely into her, I put my hand on her thigh and even lean over to give her a passionate kiss at a red-light to show her how good she looks tonight in part but mostly because I know that Spencer and brian are watching. . How immature am I but I can't help it. Finally we arrive at the restaurant and as were walking up to the door I try to make eye contact with Spence but she won't even look in my direction apparently he is more important.

Once were seated Meagan and I on one side and Spencer and Brian on the other so we are facing each other. Much like in the car Spencer is wrapped up in him, and everything he says and does and quite frankly I am livid. She won't even look at me, if I could just see the emotions in her eyes I might have a little insight in to how she feels about this guy. After about fifteen minutes, she finally looks over in my direction and I catch her gaze for just a second and I find a very challenging glare there. Oh so this is a game she's playing huh? Right now she is clearly winning so what do I need to do to catch up fast. Oh this will work.

"I just want to say something to Meg here and I want her best friend to hear it." No actually I want Spencer to hear it. " Megan we've been dating for over 3 months now and I have to say you're beautiful and I've had so much fun with you… not to mention the sex is great." I say that last part quietly so it's like I only meant for her to hear it but loud enough that I know Spencer heard it too. "And I'm so happy to be here with you tonight on Valentines Day" I continue, I steal a slight glance over at Spence and her face is somewhat neutral, so this isn't bothering her,

I'm her best friend I should know how to push her buttons. What will put this little game over to my side of the court? So I say the one thing I know will set her off "and basically what I'm trying to say is that you mean a lot to me and I love you". As soon as I say this I Immediately regret it like few things I've ever done or said.

Obviously, I don't mean it and I know I just used Megan as a pawn in a stupid game. Megan pulls me into a steamy but short kiss; it may have lasted longer if it wasn't for the loud crash of Spencer's fork against her plate. As I look up I see Spence tears streaming down her face and she utters "I just … I just can't believe you Ashley…"

When she says this I swear my heart breaks into a million pieces. She then pushes in her chair and runs out of the restaurant. I let this game go to far jealously got me once again. I know I have to go after her; I have to make this right between us. We can't keep on hurting each other while trying to keep our true feelings concealed, and as I walk into the dark night and see her huddled in the corner leaning up against the building in the pouring rain I know that I have to put my heart on the line. I just hope she takes it.

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Thanks guys, More soon. 


	7. I know what love is

Disclaimer- As usulal Storys mine characters aren't.

Authors note- Thanks again to all my readers and my reviewers it means so much to me. This chapter is angsty and kinda of sappy but hey i like sappy and angsty so i hope you do to.

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The tears are coming fast now as I'm sitting here on the ground in the restaurant parking lot, I would have walked all the way home if I could but somehow the pain stopped me in my tracks as soon as I ran out of the restaurant. God, how could she say that to her in front of me? Doesn't she realize how insensitive that was, didn't she know that that profesion of love would kill me, that she might as well of ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I know I was playing a game with her, but at least I was playing fair, I know how much she likes to win but that was a low blow even for her. Even the notion of her being in love with Megan makes my stomach contort and twist into a million painful knots, I can't do this anymore. All we do is hurt each other, when I know if we were just honest with each other, that hurt could turn into glorious happiness, If only. 

I see her through the cloud of the pouring rain and my tears, she looks concerned and scared until she spots me huddled up in the corner against the building. Immediately she makes her way over to me and bends down, and whispers gently "Spencer… talk to me" talk to her I don't even want to look at her, so I hastily get up on my feet and try to run in the other direction but she's to quick for me and grabs on to my hand to pull me back towards her.

"Spencer, would you just stop for a second, and let me explain myself", I guess that wouldn't be so bad, I do want some insight on her crazy logic. "You know it was a game that you started and I finished it, what is the big deal if I love my girlfriend?" What is she insane, of course it bothers me and it's a huge deal.

"What's the big deal, what's the big deal?" I shout partly so she can hear me over the pouring rain but mostly to emphasize my point. "You don't get it do you? I don't want you to kiss her, I don't want you to hold her and I'll be damned if I want you to love her" her face has softened considerably now and I know I have to say it "The truth is Ashley I don't want you to love anyone, anyone but me." I say the last part with an urgency I've never felt before, I practically screamed it.

"Well than I guess you got your wish then Spence", Ashley stated," Because I've never loved anyone but you." There they wore the words I've been longing to hear since the moment I first laid eyes on her. But the fact was I was still pissed and nothing could be as easy as that so I screwed up the perfect moment.

"Ashley you don't even know what love is". I knew I should never have said it as soon as it left my mouth by the hurt expression on her face.

"I don't know what love is, I don't know what love is"? She demanded your voice a mixture of hurt and anger. "you can say anything you want about me, you can say I'm insensitive bitch for lying to Megan in front of you to deliberately hurt you, you can say I'm a trouble maker, but don't even for one second say that I don't know what love is", she says clenching her chest like she's trying to give a reprieve to her heart.

"Your right I don't really know what that word means, but I love you I know that its right here, right here deep inside, I love you with every fiber in my soul and don't even try to make me doubt it." She continues. " I love you and its ok if you don't feel the same but don't ever tell me I don't know what love is because I feel it every second I'm with you." She finishes with tears freely streaming down her face and turns to walk away.

I'm almost dumbfounded Ashley Davies just professed her undying love for me in the most passionate heartfelt way I could ever have imagined. If she can make this speech in the middle of the pouring rain after I challenged her integrity. Than I can do anything as long as I end up in her arms. I'm shocked out of my daze when I realize Ashley is no longer standing in front of me she is about 5 ft away from me now, walking away. This is it there might never be a moment like this again so I grab on to her hand like she did to me earlier and spin her around so she is facing me. Her makeup is almost completely washed away, her hair is tousled and her dress is completely soaked through and I can't recall anyone ever looking as beautiful as she does right now.

We're staring intensely into one another's eyes and I want to kiss her, wipe away the hurt in her eyes, more than anything I've ever wanted before so I pull her against me and lean her gently up against the wall behind her and meet her halfway. As my lips first touch hers, I feel electricity I never knew possible send shockwaves and chills down my spine. The kiss starts out slow and sensual but soon, things start to intensify as hands start to roam and all of our pent up passion and love gets unleashed. I vaguely think how cliché it is to have our first kiss be in the pouring rain, but I honestly believe that even the best director couldn't capture this moment. After about 10 minutes that feels like an eternity she pulls back from me, to catch some much needed air.

"That was uhh… that was wow." She stammers.

"Amazing, we should have done that so much sooner".

"Don't worry about the past now Spence when we've got our future." She's been full of wisdom tonight.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I'm sorry I ever doubted you" I say this a little unevenly as my emotions get the best of me.

"Stop, I think we can safely say we are both sorry for a lot of things but there is no need in apologizing."

"Your right", I reply.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" she asks.

Just as I was going to quickly accept her offer I remember that we both left our dates in the restaurant and if we leave they would be ride less. "Ash, Megan and Brian our still inside, we can't just leave them."

" Spence don't worry about them, I think its high time we stop worrying about other people and just focus on us for once." God she is so beautiful in the rain.

"Ok let's go then, but Ashley there's just one more thing I have to do before we leave." I say as I gently lean in to give her a gentle kiss. "I love you too."

She smiles and takes my hand as we walk to her car.

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Thanks guys. 


	8. Your kiss

Disclaimer- Characters aren't mine, story is.

Authors note- So i was thinking about ending this story on the last chapter, but you guys seem to enjoy and i enjoy writing it so i decided to continue it. Thanks again to all of my reviewers your comments are what keeps me writing. This chapter doesn't have quite as much drama as the last few, its just them being in love and exploring their feelings togehther from Ashley's point of view, hope you guys like it.

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_**ASHLEY'S POV**_

I'm in love with Spencer Carlin and I finally get to say it out loud, well I can't quite shout it off the roof tops yet but I can say it to her and that's what matters the most. Love is a word I was never comfortable with, it was a word that was thrown at me by people I know didn't mean it countless times and to be truthful I never really knew what it truly meant. I knew it had to be something powerful, something amazing, euphoric maybe, otherwise why would people, fight, cry, and even die for it? But to me all the word love consisted of were letters of the alphabet thrown together to form one hollow word. Of course that was before I first laid my hand over hers on the bed letting it linger to show her that I'm probably a little different then her friends back in Ohio, that was before she first cocked her head to the side and smiled at me, and that was way before she kissed me up against that building in the pouring rain last week. Yes that was before I knew Spencer Carlin.

Now, I know not only what love means but I know exactly what it feels like. Its drives me absolutely insane but in a good way, I love everything about her, the way she smiles, the ways she laughs, the way she looks into my eyes like I'm the only person who matters and most of all I love the way she kisses. God do I love the way she kisses, I've had a lot of experience which means I've kissed a ton of girls but none of them can compare to her. Her lips are so soft, subtle and inviting and her tongue, I can't even begin to explain it. But perhaps most of all what I love the most about kissing her is I can feel how much she wants me, I can feel down to my very essence that there is no other place she'd rather be than right there in that moment of uninhibited bliss with me.

That's why I could never think of a better place to be, than lying here legs entangled, breaths labored, hearts beating and love freely flowing with her on a Saturday night. It started out much more innocent than this like it always does, I called her first thing in the morning to ask her if she wanted to go to the beach she quickly obliged and we had a blast, frolicking in the water even though it was freezing and lounging on the beach. She's still not all that comfortable with public displays of affection, but every once in a while, I'd catch her sending me scorching gazes that set off a fire in me and got me tingling all over. We spent the whole day there into much of the night and grabbed dinner on the way back to my place.

I'm not sure if it was the withholding of affections all day, me in a bikini or the pattern I was playing on her thigh during the drive home but as soon as we walked into my bedroom and I shut the door she was all over me. I had went to walk farther into my room to go get ready to take a shower to wash off the ocean air, but she quickly took hold of my hand and pulled me back towards her, spun me around and slammed me rather forcefully against the door and attached her lips to mine. Hands started roaming, passions started rising, as the kissing became deeper and more intense. Somehow we ended up on my bed, I don't really recall how, I vaguely remember while she was moving her lips to my collarbone and effectively hitting my weak spot that makes me go limp in the knees, asking her

"Umm Spence?"

"Yes" she breathily replied.

"What's gotten into you?" I continued.

"You" is all she answered before she quickly moved her soft lips up mine, to silence any more questions I might have had.

You sounds like a good enough answer, its been over a week now since our fateful proclamation of love in the pouring rain on valentines day and since then we've had some trouble keeping our hands to ourselves so really this is no surprise. But I have never seen her so urgent, so in control before and I wonder what brought on this change of what could be considered normal behavior for her. I would love to think it has entirely to do with how good I looked in my swimsuit today at the beach, but I have this nagging suspicion that, although that might have had a part in it, there is defiantly something else provoking this aggression from her.

Now though she's moving lower and lower and kissing my neck and emitting low moans into my ear and it feels like heaven but I don't want to rush this with her. It means to much to both of us, so I move my hand from were it was perched on her back to her head and gently lift her from her position on my neck. For a second I see bewilderment in her eyes and a fear of rejection maybe, I'm not sure so I speak.

"You know Spence, as amazing as this feels and as much as I love you and want this we should stop." I say while gently cradling her head in my hands.

"Alright" she says, and although she is agreeing with me she turns her head a way from me and I could of swore I saw some hurt, even some unshed tears there in her eyes.

She thinks I don't want her wow she really has gone crazy today. "Spencer, look at me" she finally turns to face me and I get confirmation of what I thought I saw earlier unshed tears. "There is nothing I'd rather do than make love with you now, but it's too soon I just… I just want it to be absolutely perfect for you, for us because this relationship is precious to me."

"I know, you're absolutely right, we should wait, I want this to be perfect for us too… it's just that…" she hesitates so I ask

"Its just that what?"

She lets out a big gasp of air before she speaks,

"today at the beach I was looking at you, and I was thinking wow she's so breathtakingly gorgeous, and then I got to thinking of all of the girls you've been with, of all of the girls you could be with and I thought why does she want to be with me, the girl with no experience and all of this excess baggage. When she can have any one she wants." She finishes tears freely falling now.

Wow she's just as insecure as I am sometimes "Is that why you were so aggressive just now?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"Mostly yes, I just thought maybe if I can show you that I know what I'm doing that I'm not so inexperienced that maybe… maybe I wouldn't loose you."

"Lose me? Spencer that will never happen, I will wait forever for you, I like the fact that this is all new to you, this is all new to me too you know, I'm just as inexperienced as you are."

"You inexperienced?" she asks with an extreme hint of sarcasm in her voice half joking half not.

"Yes miss smart ass, I am inexperienced. Yes I've been with a lot of girls but none of them I mean none of them meant anything to me compared to what you mean to me. This is the first time I've ever been in love and everything you do for the first time with me will be a first time for me too, because I'm doing everything with someone I love and that is completely and totally new to me". Her lips have risen into a sweet smile now and I lightly run my fingers down her arm as she replies

"I never looked at it like that thanks, I sound like such a babbling insecure idiot I'm sure, its just that I love you so much and I just want to be good enough for you"

Aww that's so sweet "Spencer your more than good for me, you're the only one for me" I say as sincerely as possible I know it's the truth, but I want to make her believe it too. I guess it worked because all she does is give me a gentle kiss and lower her head down on to my chest and we both drift off into a peaceful sleep in each others arms were we belong.

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MORE UP SOON 


	9. Longing

Disclaimer- Same as always Stories mine, characters aren't.

Authors Note- All I can say is I'm so sorry for taking this long to update but I've been busy, busy, busy, and the ideas weren't flowing really freely, so I'm sorry for the delay and this chapter is short so don't kill me lol. I want to thank all of my reader and reviewers; you're why I write the story. Thanks.

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Spencers POV

So it's been about 2 weeks now since that fateful night in the parking lot in the pouring rain. God it was an amazing first kiss with the most amazing person I know, but if I thought I was head over heels in love with her then, than I can't even explain what I feel now. I'm borderline obsessed I must say , I want her, I crave her, I need her but I always have needed her since the moment I met her.

I needed her to fill that void in my life, its like she was that missing piece in a puzzle that I call my life, and now that I found her and put her in exactly the place I want( as my girlfriend), I'm extremely happy. Although lately I've been having some possieve issues, which is unusual for me because I've never been the possession type, not with anything or anyone, but nothings ever meant as much to me as Ashley does, she's so beautiful and sexy and she's mine. But I'll admit I have some insecurity that go along with my issues, sometimes I wonder what does she see in me? When she could have anyone she wants, someone with more experience who wasn't doomed to a possible eternity in the closest, someone other than me. Then I look into her eyes and I see the deep pure love I feel for her reflected in her eyes and all of my doubts and insecurities melt away I only wish I could just get lost in her gaze, never having to deal with the rest of the world so harsh, judgmental and full of uncertainty.

Tonight I'm at Gray sans Ashley, she told me she had to spend some QT with her dad, while he was in town, which I completely understood. But unfourtanltey it doesn't keep me for missing her like a lost limb, ok obsessed it is. I just want to spend every waking moment with her and up until tonight I have, but tonight instead I'm sitting here making small talk with Aiden. He's a nice guy and all a good friend but he's not her. While he's talking about Madison my oh so favorite topic, my mind starts to wonder to all the things I'd rather being doing on a Saturday night.

"You didn't hear a single word I said did you?" he asks, shit I'm caught.

"Yes I did youwere talking about Madison and how she… how she… I don't know you got me. I'm sorry my minds just somewhere else." More like my heart.

"Aw you miss Ash, how long has it been since you talked to her?"

"I don't know a couple of hours" to be exact 8 hours and 5 minutes.

"Where is she any way?" he asks, she didn't tell him her dads in town, that's weird.

"Her dad's in town this weekend so she's hanging out with him."

His face contorts in to a confused expression" I just read on the internet that her dad is doing a show in New York City tonight." New York, he must be mistaking or she lied to me but why would she do that.

"Oh" Is all I manage to answer as my minds spinning out of control, did she lie to me, why would she, is something wrong, is she with someone else? I decided to find out for myself so I picked up the phone and started to dial her number, but I was stopped in mid dial by Aiden.

"Isn't that Ashley right over there at the bar?" he sounds concerned, like he could read my panicked expression.

As I look over to where Aiden pointed out, my worst nightmares are confirmed. I see Ashley in all her beautiful glory, black curls loosely hanging over her face as she's leaned in close having a discussion with another girl, but not just any girl her ex- girlfriend, what I thought to be her Ex- girlfriend Meagan.

My heart starts to beat rapidly in my chest, and the longing I was feeling early is quickly replaced with a mix of anger, confusion, hurt and boiling jealously. What exactly is going on here?

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Thanks 


	10. Lying

Disclaimer- As always, storys mine... character aren't.

Authors note- So i'm finally updating this one, sorry it took so long. I've been crazy busy. Again thanks to all of the reviewers, your comments mean alot to me. This is just a lovers quarrel, so to speak.

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**ASHLEY'S POV**

I have a feeling that Spencer is mad at me, well maybe worse than that. But why would she be? What did I do? Oh yes wait I lied to her, did she find out did someone tell her? Or worse did she see me and Megan? Well whatever the case all I know is I've been calling her the entire day, and all I'vegot so far is about 20 rings with no answer, a busy signal and what I think may have been her answering and hanging up. So that probably answers my question.

Its not like it was even a big deal, I just felt like I owed it to Megan to hang out with her for a couple of hours. I didn't exactly break up with her, I never said "its over" I just didn't return her calls and completely avoided her like the plague. So one night when she called and I was feeling especially melancholic because Spencer was having one of her family nights, I just agreed to meet her at Grey on Saturday, no big deal.

At first I didn't feel guilty at all I was just doing what was right, there's no way I would want Spencer to break up with me like I had did with Megan, not even giving her an explanation. But then it hit, Spencer was not going to like this, she never really liked Megan in the first place, and she absolutely hated it when girls from my notorious past would even wave at me. So shit what was I supposed to do so, I lied to her to save her the worry and jealously and to save us the argument. Although I guess the truth really is always better than a lie. She probably saw us just talking and took it completely the wrong way, but I mean how was she supposed to take it, if my girlfriend who used to sleep with the whole town, was having what seemed to be an intimate conversation with her ex after she lied to me about her whereabouts I might take it the wrong way too. Shit I'm such an idiot , I have to go and fix this if she won't answer my calls, I'll just come to her.

Then my phone started to vibrate, it was her. I answered half smiling half scared to death

"Hey, Spence."

"Can you come and get me" she choked out. Shit she's crying.

"Spencer baby what's wrong"

"Just come and get me ok!" she cut me off rather harshly. Yes she's pissed but at least she wants to see me.

"Ok I'll be there in few, I love you" I replied.

"Bye" bye that's all I get no I love you too, I'm in trouble.

When I pulled up to her house she was on her porch waiting for me. She immediately got up and opened the passenger door.

"Hi" I said timidly afraid of her reaction.

"Where were you Saturday night?" Shit shit, what should I say, probably the truth tell her the truth.

"I was… I was… "Just say it stop stuttering.

"Having trouble I'll finish for you… you were at Greys, with your ex-girlfriend after you told me you were with your dad." Her words were dripping with the expected venom.

"Come on Spencer you have to let me explain, you don't understand" I pleaded.

"Don't understand, what don't I understand? I know that I was lonely on a Saturday night because my girlfriend had to spend time with her dad which I completely understand, what I don't understand is why when I was at Greys thinking about you and how much I missed you, I had to have Aiden point you out to me having a not so innocent conversation with your ex! Ashley." Mad might have been an understatement.

I have to do some serious damage control.

"Baby"

"Don't baby me"

"Ok Spencer, I'm sorry, you have to know that that conversation was as far as that night with her went, I just never got the chance to explain to her why I ditched her like I did, so when she asked me to meet her Saturday, I accepted because I wanted to make a clean break of her, I didn't want anyone to come between you and me anymore. And I thought she deserved the truth." I said that with complete sincerity, trying to get my point across.

"Your right she did deserve the truth." Great maybe I'm off the hook. "But don't you think I deserved the truth too, you lied to me Ashley, and that hurts almost as much as it did when I saw her with you." I feel terrible, just like me always messing things up.

I lent over in the car which still hadn't moved from in front of her house, to touch her shoulder and she didn't move away which I took as a good sign.

" Spencer, I'm so sorry I lied to you because I was afraid of how you would react and I know its not a good reason but it's the only one I've got, and all I can say is how sorry I am, I'm a serial Fucker upper its like my dominate trait. " It was kind of true and it got a laugh from her which was music to my ears.

"Your are not, your just inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Please don't lie it only causes arguments like this. I need to be able to trust you."

"You can. I promise." I meant that I don't want her to ever doubt me.

"Are you sure you not lying?" She mocks with a gentle tilt of her head and a smile.

"Ha very funny, Carlin"

"Eww don't call me that it reminds me of Glen." Good point.

"Uck never again, so are we cool?" I hope so.

"Yeah just no more lying ok?" I just nodded my head in agreement.

"Hey you know what the best part of fighting is?" I ask while I'm shifting my car into gear.

"What's that?" she asks.

"Making up."

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Thanks, review if you want. Hopefully i'll have an update of this and my other story soon. 


	11. Anatomy

Disclaimer- As always, Stories mine, Character aren't.

Authors note- So i'm back... lol. Sorry it took me this long to update, i've been swamped and the ideas haven't been flowing as freely as i'd like, but i hope you guys are still interested in reading. I promise i'll update more frequently, i guess anybody could update more often than i've been, but anyways hope you enjoy it.

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Normally, I'm not particularly fond of Anatomy and physiology, I already know most of it any way so it's not very interesting however, in this particular class, my one true love happens to sit right in front of me and I never get tired of studying her "Anatomy". I don't think I ever will. 

Today she's wearing one of her impossibly sexy outfits, where her shirt shows just enough cleavage, and her ever so sexy navel, while her skirt reveals the maximum amount of leg possible with out being sent home or arrested for indecent exposure and it's driving me insane. Not to mention the way her curls fall down around her face or the intricate design of her tattoo that peeks out right above her skirt begging me to reach out and touch her warm flesh to trace the out line of it.

We've been together over 2 months now, and it has been amazing but I can't even count the number of times I've stopped her in the middle of one of our impossibly heated make out secessions, when my body is on fire, burning for her only her, when the only thing that seems to exist is her, me and the beating of our hearts, but I always stop it just before it goes to that next level, the level I'm not quite ready to reach yet. One more day in this class, hell on more minute in this class with her looking like this, bending over to pick up her notebook she " accidentally " let slip off her desk, yes a little more of that and I'm going to fly to the next level and god only knows when I'll stop.

'Ok mind out of the gutter Spencer, your actually in a class here, and you haven't heard a single word he's said, I wonder if he's noticed?'

That question didn't take long to be answered "Ms. Carlin, I have a question?"

'Shit'" Yes Mr. Troy." I replied.

"Do you find Ms. Davies to be interesting?" Now that got the whole class including an amused Ashley to turn and look at me.

God this can't be happening" Yes", I stammered no sense in lying at least he didn't ask what else I think about her.

" I can tell, You've been staring at her adamantly the entire hour, now I 'm sure If you ask Ms. Davies nicely she'll let you stare at her all night if you want, but if your in my class I want you to pay attention to me and me only, is that understood?" He snapped.

"Sure Mr. Troy, I'm sorry." Good now the whole class knows what I've been doing all hour at least they don't know what I was thinking, but Ashley does and she'll never let me live it down.

The bell rang before he could answer and I hurried out of the class, trying to avoid her.

But of course she caught up to me at my locker, but I didn't mind when she encircled my waist with her arms, pulled me close to her, and buried her head in the crook of my neck, kissing it gently. I shivered a sensation shooting from my head to my toes, and then she moved her mouth to my ear and sighed "So you find me interesting huh?"

I turned around in her arms so we were facing each other, and just stared at her for a couple seconds, marveling at her magnificent beauty. Gently I pushed the hair out of her face, tilted my head in and softly caressed my lips against hers, then I moved my mouth to whisper in her ear, my lips gently grazing her lobe as I spoke " Interesting hmm if you only knew what else I find you to be."

I could feel her breath hitch in her throat and i swear i heard her emmit a low moan,as she pulled away from me; secretly I reveled in the fact that I was the one that caused that reaction in her, the only one that could cause that reaction in her.

"Well I got to get to class; we are in a public hallway Spence." Damn I forgot about that, I was too lost in her to notice.

"Oh yeah, it slipped my mind"

"You've got a one-track mind Spencer Carlin, and I have to say I like it." She laughed that deep throaty sexy as hell laugh, I have the pleasure of enjoying.

"What can I say…?" Is all I reply.

"Although", she laughs again, before turning slightly more serious and leaning into me once more so only I can hear her " I am definitely looking forward to you telling me…_showing_ me exactly what else it is you find me to be" she finished before giving me one lastlingeringkiss and walking away, it was my turn to moan now.

The bell rang again signaling the start of the next period, I was late but it was all worth it, more than worth it in fact.

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Thanks again to all of the people who review I appreciate it, R&R please.


	12. Power

Disclaimer- As always story ismine, characters aren't. Also the two songs are by Marvin Gaye and 20 Fingers i own nothing.

Authors note- I got a huge response on the last chapter, I'm glad everyone is still interested in reading the story and is enjoying it .So thanks for reading and reviewing. This chapters a little more risque but still really clean, i'm enjoying writing the slow burn these two have going on, so i hope you enjoy reading it.

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Although I might have caught Spencer staring at me, well actually the teacher did, I have to admit I'm having my own trouble concentrating now, but at least I'm not in school. Unfortunately though I am driving in major traffic and the circles that Spencer has decided to draw on my thigh are becoming a little more than distracting. 

'Ok breathe Ashley, you have the upper hand here you know that she must want you just as bad as you want her so just take it slow'. I kept repeating this mantra over and over in my head, we've been taking it extremely slow and I'm fine with that but the truth is my mind is limitless but my hormones can only take so much. I certainly don't want them to take over, she means way too much to me, for me to rush her into something were both not ready for but it's getting harder and harder to stop.

We're only a couple of blocks from my house and yet neither of us has said a single word since we left the school parking lot. In fact the only audible sounds are the rapid beating of my heart and the burning ebbs of my ever growing desire for the beautiful blonde , whose lazily rubbing patterns with her warm hands on my inner thigh over my denim jeans burning a trail across my skin. The silence is becoming deafening and the heat almost unbearable but I can't bring myself to remove her hand from it ministrations so I take care of at least one of the problems and reach to turn the radio on.

_You know what I'm talking' 'bout  
C'mon, baby  
Let your love come out  
If you believe in love  
Let's get it on  
Let's get it on, baby  
This minute, oh yeah  
Let's get it on  
Please, let's get it on  
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby  
Stop beatin' 'round the bush  
Oh, gonna get it on  
Threaten' you, baby  
I wanna get it on  
You don't have to worry that it's wrong  
If the spirit moves ya  
Let me groove ya good  
Let your come down_

Damn Marvin Gaye yeah that's going to get my mind off having sex; it says it right there in the song, I've got to change it so I reach for the dial. As luck would have it the first station I turned it too had this floating thorough the speakers.

_Come on and get a taste_

_you gotta lick it  
before we kick it  
you gotta get it soft and wet  
so we can kick it_

Oh isn't that just great, that song just described exactly what I wanna do to her, this time I nearly lunged for the dial and just turned it off, music certainly wasn't helping and to top it all off Spencer had now resigned to softly kissing my ear lobes, flicking them with her warm moist tongue. Finally, we pulled up to my drive way in front of my house so I shut the car off, took the keys out of the ignition and turned to look at a now grinning Spencer, sure the passion was reflected back in her eyes but she also had this wide grin spread across her features and I was curious to as why. Here I am, breathing ragged, pulse raging hormones skyrocketing and she's over there smiling.

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel her shift her self on top of me so she's straddling my waist, her weight creating the best of sensations. Before I can ask her what she's doing she leans in and kisses my lips with a fiery passion and her lips linger on mine as she pulls away and lets out a laugh.

"Why are you laughing?"

"It's funny" she answers.

"Its a lot of things but funny isn't one of them, Hun. What exactly are you talking about?" I ask I truly am bewildered.

"Well now were even, after today you know that you have something over me, that you have this power over me that I can't explain and I just wanted to know if I had that same power over you. Judging by the way you're breathing, and that we almost died in around seven accidents, IguessI do."

"So you were just messing with me then, Spencer you're a lot cleverer than I thought." I said slightly amused.

"Hey, I'm full of surprises"

"So your not the least bit turned on by this?" I ask while running my own hands up and down her back over the exposed skin not covered by her tank top. I hear her sigh, and her eyes are filling up with this look of sheer lust and I smile internally knowing that I just turned the tables again.

"Hell if I was turned on in English, you can bet I'm turned on now." I wasn't expecting her to say that, for her to be so honest, plus her voice is a whole octave lower and I react with a shudder.

"So you like to play games huh?" She nods her head yes. "Then let's play".

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Thanks. R&R please. 


	13. If loving you is wrong

Authors note- Three months is a really long time i realize and i'm sorry, I've had the summer from hell and just now I finally felt like writing so I finally got to this story again. You may want to go back and read it again to refresh your memory, tried to keep it Teen, But if you think i should up the rating I will. I love you guys thanks for all the reviews, and i apoligize in advance for the possible mistakes no spell check currently lol.

Disclaimer- AS always storys mine, characters aren't.

She wanted to play huh? Well I could do that. I leaned down and kissed her, one of those lingering toe curling kisses we often share but this one was diffrent, it was tinged with a promise of something spectauclar yet to come. As i pulled back, I took a moment to gaze at her beautiful features, her face was flushed, lips swollen and red and a sort of dazed expression grazing her face. Seizing the moment i took this as my cue to take the upperhand in this game, so without hesitation, i hurried off of her and took off full sprint.

I heard a mumbled " Oh no she didn't" come from the raven haired girl behind me. I stopped for a second so she could catch up a bit, but as soon as she got close i took off again. It was weird, somehow this playfullness, that i know i could never have with anyone else, excited me even more. I never have wanted to get caught though as much as i did right now, I was begging her to catch me and then she finally did while i was bounding up the stairs.

Grabbing a hold of my leg she pulled me under her, my back pressing roughly against the stairs but I could care less. I was giggling uncontrobally, but one look into her pools of brown and my breath hitched all playfullness forgotten. Her stare was so intense, it sent shivers down my spine, i may have even physically trembled.

" Your perfect, do you know that?" She gently takes a piece of my golden hair and tucks it behind my ear, lightly gazing my cheek with her fingertips before leaving her hand to rest on my collarbone.

" Only when i'm with you" I answer, never had i said something i meant with so much entirety. With that, she stands and helps me up, taking my hands she leads me to her bedroom. Pushing me gently against, the now closed door, she finally presses her lips against mine this time the kiss is soft, a tenderness I've only experienced with her, but obviousally it doesn't stay soft for long. Soon it turns passionatte and needy and I can't help but emmiting a few soft moans. Knowing my legs are going to give out on me any second I try to move us closer to the bed without breaking the kiss. I need her lips against mine like I need to breathe maybe even more. Sensing my need to lye down, Ashley turns us around so my back is to the bed and lays me down. Settling her self ontop of me, her weight is heavnley as always.

One last time as we both know there is no turning back now she whispers, voice shaky, breath labored " Are you sure Spence, I love you I never want to rush you into this" I silence her with a finger to her lips" Just make love to me okay, no more words just touch me please" That was all the persuading she needed.

I couldn't compare it to anything, Lips gazing every inch of my skin, fingers not far behind. The passion and heat were like a slow burn just rising and rising till I couldn't hold it in any longer all of it cumalting in a loud scream of her name.

As we lie there afterwards, bodies spent. I hear a silent sob, coming from the woman next to me.

" Baby, why are you crying?" I ask my lover wiping the tears from her face.

" Nothing its just..." she trails off " It just you know all of the other girls i've had?"

" How could i forget?" I didn't want the insecurites to creep into my voice but of course they did.

" Well with them, with anyone, I've never even come close to feeling the way I do now wrapped up in your arms."

I couldn't help the smile that my tugged at my mouth from spreading" and how is that baby?"

" Like I'm home", Now it was my turn to cry " like i'm home for the first time in my whole life and I never want to leave".

She snuggled into me and shortly thereafter fell asleep, and as I lay there watching her slumber, I Just couldn't agree more.

THE END.


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